That's some KRAAAZY GLUE!
I really hope I don't get sued or anything, but I need some answers. And I need them right now.
Some of you may have once purchased the wonderfully convenient and ever-adhesive miracle in a squeeze tube, Krazy Glue. I think it is a great product; nearly everything in my apartment is holding strong to the walls thanks to this stuff, including (but not limited to): mirrors, shoe organizers, Windy's paintings, about 27 cents in change, some clocks, the thermostat, a map leading to One-Eyed Willie's treasure, a couple (not so) sticky notes, and some other things.
But I can't, for the life of me, figure out just what the heck the logo on the packaging is supposed to mean. Seriously. Someone please write to me explaining this fellow in the yellow construction helmet. Why are his legs so grotesquely spread? Why are his arms behind his head as if he is comfortably resting after a hard day's work? Why does his face say "that's right. I work hard to pay the bills and I deserve everything I'm enjoying right now. Now go fix me a turkey sandwich"? Certainly this kind gentleman hasn't spread his legs as a gesture to show how much he likes Krazy Glue. That wouldn't make sense, would it?
I have actually sat down and studied this logo in hopes of reaching some speck of clarity. I went over some plausible scenarios that might actually lead to one being positioned like our friend here in the yellow hard hat...Say Steve's at work on a Friday (I've named him Steve) and he's itching for the lunch horn to blow because he got to the construction site at 6 am and he is hungry for some left-over salisbury steak. Steve's been at odds with his good friend Eddie ever since Wednesday bowling night when Eddie crossed the line and said about Steve's wife, "she reminds of Charlize Theron in that movie Monster." Since Steve and Eddie work the same shift on the same site, it has been a little uncomfortable trying to avoid eye contact all morning.
Finally, Eddie approaches Steve and hands him a 20 dollar bill and says "that's for the poker game a couple months ago. I cheated and, well, here's the money you should've won. And, well, seeing as how the horn's about to blow in 3 minutes and all, I just thought I should say - and we both know how hard it is for me to say this - but the truth is, I shot your brother in the face."
Incredulous, Steve screams with rage as he rams his shoulder into Eddie's chest, knocking him to the ground. Wounded, but still wily, Eddie remembers his signature hold he used in high school to defeat the wrestling state champion, Larry Nusbaum, in 1982. Expecting this (since it's one of the moves he taught him), Steve counter-attacks with a swift throat grab and digs his vengeful fingers into Eddie's betraying neck, claiming his Adam's apple as a war bounty. Then, out of nowhere, the dragon of Narthex flies into the village, destroying the construction site and setting fire to all the stables, killing the horses and stable maids.
Just then, Sir Happenstance of Yorkstownshire arrives carrying scrolls marked with the king's stamp. "Lord Stephen," he says, "the king requests your presence tonight at the royal supper in hopes that you might bestow upon his jovial ears the fine music for which you are widely known." "Tell your 'king,' servant boy, that Lord Stephen is no jester in the courts," says Lord Stephen to the trembling messenger. "I will not be made a spectacle of in a land my ancestors have tried so desperately to overthrow. Besides," Lord Stephen says as he slowly approaches the boy, "the dragon of Narthex has just destroyed my home and the homes of my people. Furthermore, I just quarreled with my friend here. Here is the result." He forces the detached throat into the boys hands and says with a sinister grin, "tell the king this is the price you pay WHEN YOU INSULT LORD STEPHEN!!!"
This is pretty much how all of my scenarios end up. Except one included an SR-71 fighter plane and a water balloon fight/get-together.
posted by Jeff at 12:23 AM
8 Comments:
Do you know that there Krazy Glue used to have a television ad in which this construction guy glued his safety helmet to a roof or a beam and he hung there suspended in the helmet? I think they did a few other unusual stunts like that.
Cheers!
Kim (in Albania)
You stole Narthex from St. Paul!
i can see you've clearly never worked on a construction site. in my experience, the only time i've ever seen a construction worker not posed like steve, is on tv. those shows are so fake.
by the way, do you know kim (in albania), or did she just search blogs for posts on krazy glue? it's cool either way, i'm just curious.
no, i don't know her. i wish i did, though, so i could say "i had a friend who lived in albania." sort of like saying "there was an old woman who lived in a shoe," but she'd probably be offended if i equated her country to footwear. however, i am quite pleased about getting an answer to my query so soon. i wrote that post at about 12:30 or 1:00am and she answered within a couple of hours. although she has to be lying about the commercial. that's the stupidest freaking load of crap i've ever heard, getting glued to a beam. get real. no one smiles after being glued to a beam, nor does anyone kick his legs about. at least my story made sense.
you've got a point. the last guy i saw that got glued to a beam most certainly did not smile and kick his legs about, if you know what i mean. if you don't know what i mean, then he did. maybe a girl would do that, but most certainly not a guy. and steve is definitely a guy, because why would the krazy glue corporation have done such an extensive ad campaign with the name steve if it was supposed to be a girl? then it would have been stevette. or if he had been french, that might have worked too, i think. either way, the beam thing just doesn't make sense. i mean, if you're gonna bond to metal with krazy glue, then you have to first clean the surface with acetone. now, why would our boy stevo have cleaned that beam with acetone in the first place? was he gonna eat his lunch on it? let's hope not, because acetone is poisonous. and how was he gonna eat his lunch on the underside of the beam anyway. unless. unless that's not the underside at all. try rotating the picture 165 degrees counterclockwise. now, notice the similarities with this pic: http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper243/stills/147opg43.jpg
it's all starting to make sense now. it seems steve has mastered the famed headspin move of breakdancing. it's got nothing to do with krazy glue. it's probably just mr. krazy's son, steve krazy. or as his posse calls him, krazy steve. i hope that kim (in albania) is not disapointed, but this just seems to make a lot more sense to me.
krazy steve out.
links don't work too well on these blog things. try making this one line and my link should work.
http://media.collegepublisher.com/
media/paper243/stills/147opg43.jpg
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