Merry Christmas from Vlad the Vampire!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Merry Christmas everyone! It is I, Vlad the Vampire! Behold my cape and stylish vest!

I will be thinking of you all from the darkened confines of my hay-ridden barn until tonight, when I will once again roam the streets in search of unsuspecting victims. Ah! Ah! Ah! I am only kidding!

Stay safe everyone!

Dear "Beguiler" (A Reply From Full Sail)

I don't want to talk to you; you don't seem to understand that. Don't come around my house anymore. That is, unless you've got my hat. It's simple, really.

Look, I just want my hat back. You know, the one with the furry thing on top? It's the red one in your closet. The truth is, I got a stupid haircut. I want it bad, alright? I want it back.

I really don't care about being your friend; you can't understand that either. How can you even look me in the face when you know you have my hat? Now, I know I've got lots and lots of hats, but that hat is my favorite. Don't be silly. Just give it back.

Basically, I don't want to talk to you, I just want my hat back.

-Full


...Ummm....I really don't know what the heck he's talking about.

Dear Full Sail Real World Education...

Look, I don't complain much (and when I do, it's over something small like hitting my funny bone, getting the hiccups, chafing, etc.). Anyway, this letter is not so much a complaint as it is a request. I just need you to understand how I feel so that maybe there can be some kind of agreement between us.

We're friends and nothing will change that, but it seems that lately you've been kind of (oh, how can I put this delicately?) a freaking nuisance. There is only so much a guy can take of one person before he gets annoyed, and this relationship has been extremely one-sided. All I am asking is for you to lay off a little; let me spend some time with my wife, you know? It has gotten to that awkward point where looking at you feels funny, a little gay even. I would feel a lot better knowing that you had other friends out there. It's not that I have anything against homosexuality, but I'm married. You know that. There is no way I would ever see you as something more than just a friend.

It's really hard for me to be writing this. I mean, we started off so well together. I was amazed at how much we had in common; you were like a brother to me! And you have been really nice, believe me. You are always teaching me new things, and letting me play with all your gear. You have been more than generous. But the past month or so you have gotten a little out of hand. You want to hang out every day for 8 hours or more, even on Sundays when I usually go to church. And I feel obligated as a good person and friend to come over when you ask me to.

So, you can still invite me over and I will still show up at your doorstep. But try to limit our time together, okay? I don't want to get burned out after only 5 months of knowing you. Because the truth is, I like you. Honestly. But freaking A, dude! We got 7 more months to hang out.

I'm just telling you striaght up, I am going back to my home town to see my family for Christmas. Do yourself a favor and do the same. While you're there (and I mean this in the most sincere way), take a shower. You've really started to let yourself go and everyone is starting to talk about the smell.

Please don't get upset. Like I said before, I just wanted to request a little time away from you awhile, that's all. It's because I like you so much, really. Take care man, and Merry Christmas.

Your friend,
Jeff

It's Time for Stream of Consciousness Image Commentary, Part 2!

Yeah, I know. This is a lazy post. I'm busy, what else can I say? Really? What else can I possibly say? I could give an excuse as to why I've been so busy. Is that what you want? Well, you are out of luck. Because, clearly, I couldn't possibly say anything else. I just can't. Deal with it.

Nonetheless, I feel that I owe you guys something new to look at. So, inspired by Windy's comment about left handed polar bears, I give you the first image of Stream of Consciousness Image Commentary, Part 2.




Google image search: left handed polar bears

In the desert, Coke bottles are known to attack small squirrels and suck out their intestines using an elongated, tube-like apparatus known as a "straw."




Google image search: Coke sucks

I tell you, that Mr. Potato Head has been everywhere, thanks to his trusty red wagon.




Google image search: Mr. potato wagon

The Hasbro toy company calls this fine product "Darth Tater." Based on what I know about the characters in the science fiction epic, Star Wars, I've come to the conclusion that there is a resemblance between this masked toy and the dark lord, Darth Vader. I have also come to the conclusion that "Tater" sounds similar to "Vader." Because the picture above is supposed to be a disguised potato, I have decided that the "Tater" in "Darth Tater" is supposed to be a shortened version of the word "potato," making the concept of a toy potato in disguise as Darth Vader quite humorous. Go ahead, you can laugh now.




Google image search: humorous spud

This guy is smiling because he just got that rugby ball-shaped tumor removed from the back of his neck. The doctors who performed the surgury engraved his name into it so he can display it as a collector's item. Good for him.